Part of your job as a writer is to set the scene, to explain to the reader what is happening, but you need to be careful: unnecessary information can be distracting … and sometimes annoying!
For example, if I wrote that Hawkins went to the starboard side of Penumbra and then I added an explanation that the starboard side is the right side of the ship, my readers would roll their eyes and sigh. Yes, Diane, we already know that. If they didn’t know that, I apologize, but they can certainly look it up. That’s what Google is for, right?
How many times have you read a story and wondered why the writer insisted on telling you things you already know? It’s simple: the writer doesn’t trust you.
This includes the distracting facts that tell you the writer is simply showing off: how fast light travels, how many bones are in the human body, what the square root of 3,472 is. Most of the time, the reader doesn’t need to know these facts to appreciate the story. Only if it is directly relevant—for example, the forensic scientist found 202 adult bones, so four are missing—should these little tidbits be included. It’s never a bad thing for a writer to know these facts, but it’s in bad form to include them in the story when they’re not needed.
It’s also bad when you tell the reader things that he/she should be able to figure out from what’s happening in the scene.
For example:
Bobby kicked open the door and hurled his keys across the
room. He muttered under his breath as he slammed the door
shut and flung himself into a chair.
Katrina appeared in the bedroom doorway. “What—?”
“Shut up. I don’t want to talk about it.”
Now let me ask you this: what is Bobby’s mood at this point? Do I need to tell you or can you figure it out for yourself?
How about this?
Bobby slammed the door. He was angrier than he’d ever been.
Katrina appeared in the bedroom doorway. “What—?”
“I’m so mad at Joe!” Bobby shouted.
In this case, I’d be a little ticked off myself, mostly because the writer doesn’t trust me enough to figure out Bobby is mad on my own. As a reader, I never appreciate it when the writer decides to spell out the obvious for me.
I admit that it’s a fine line. Sometimes you’ll need to step back and pretend you’ve never seen this scene before; then decide if everything you’ve included needs to be there. You could also have someone else read the scene and tell you what can stay and what should go.
When in doubt, though, trust your readers.
