Closet Spaceship Part 15

Sometimes I like to go to Penumbra and just hang out. Sometimes the present gets to be a little much, so I slip away to regroup, recharge, recover. Maybe to escape. Most of the time, the crew can’t see me, which is what I want. I can settle in to watch people without having to interact with them. It’s what introverts do.

But I guess I know the truth: when I’m feeling a little unhappy with humanity, it’s best if I talk to someone who can show me it’s not all bad. I don’t learn anything if I’m by myself.

I was all grouchy and grumbling in the rec area one day when someone sat down in a chair nearby. I didn’t really pay attention because I wasn’t feeling sociable.

“You’ve never come to see me,” said a voice.

I looked up and it was Mark, which surprised me. That’s funny, isn’t it? I didn’t think he’d like me to surprise him, so I avoided him … until he surprised me instead.

“I didn’t know if you’d want me to,” I said.

Mark smiled. “People always say I don’t like surprises.”

“It’s true, isn’t it?”

“Oh, sure,” he said. “But I’m getting a little better at handling them.”

“I’m not so sure I am.”

“I said ‘a little better,’” Mark said. “Not a lot.”

He finally got me to smile.

“Okay,” I said. “Are you here to cheer me up?”

“I don’t think so. I didn’t even know you were here until Gwen said she saw you.”

Gwen. She’s sneaky … and pretty insightful, apparently.

“So are you okay with me being here?” I asked.

“I honestly don’t know,” Mark said. “It’s a little creepy, you have to admit, but you’re not exactly scary.”

“I hope not!” I hesitated, but I think he could tell I was going to say something else because he kept quiet.

“Let me ask you something,” I said. “The hardest thing, I think, is trying to do all of you justice. It’s not always easy to sum someone up, to make a reader see who he truly is. Do you think I’m even close?”

Mark laughed, which wasn’t what I expected.

“You’re asking me?” he said. “I don’t have a clue who I truly am, so how could you? I don’t think you should worry about that.”

“Well, I’m going to,” I said. “I want to get it right. So, seriously, tell me: am I even close?”

He did get serious. “I don’t know. I haven’t read it.”

I sighed melodramatically. “You’re not the only one.”

“I know,” he said. “None of us has.”

“None of you?”

“No. Can you blame us?”

I tried to think of it from his perspective and that’s when I got it: there was no way for me to get it completely right because I can’t know any of them completely. I know a lot more than the average person, but I can’t ever know all of it, so I can’t really know them. And I can only tell what I do know. If the crew tried to read one of my novels, they wouldn’t be able to ignore the glaring omissions.

Besides that, maybe they didn’t want to know what was going on in their crewmates’ heads.

“No, I can’t blame you,” I said. “I think it’s better that way.”

Mark nodded. “I know you’re trying your best. I think that’s all we can ask.”

“You sound like Ben,” I said.

He smiled and stood up. “Thanks.”

Then he walked to the doorway and paused. “Maybe someday I’ll tell you some more. Maybe we all could do that once in a while.”

I blinked at him. “Okay. If you want.”

Inside, I was doing a happy dance. That would be great, wouldn’t it?